Saturday, August 21, 2004

I've discovered I do not know how to deal with really strong emotions. I had to have Tippy put to sleep Friday, somewhat unexpectedly, and am having a hard time facing her not being here. She would have been 14 in 2 months, and for a 70 pound dog, that is old. She apparently had a problem with her liver that did not come into focus until the last few days. She started throwing up, running a high fever, and would not eat. I took her to the vet on Thursday, the vomiting had started Wed. night, and they took blood to run some test. Part of me knew before the vet called with the results Friday morning, cause I had to carry her outside so she could pee. She had never been sick the whole time we were together. On Friday, she just laid on the floor and panted. She couldn't stand, and would not eat. The vet called and said that she either had cancer of the liver, or a liver disease, and with her age and her not walking, recommended euthanasia.

God I miss her! I miss having her follow me everywhere I go upstairs, so much, that I am having a hard time staying in the house. It isn't as bad downstairs. Her hips were bad enough when we moved to this house, that she never came down here. She would stand between me and the counter when I would cook, hoping that this would cause me to drop some food. I love my cats, but they are not the same. I want to get another dog, so I don't have to deal with these feelings. It would help block them. Mike will not let me get a dog right now, and he is correct. I do want to get one for my birthday/Christmas present, so we will see. At least until then, I do have the various office dogs to hug, and take for walks. It's not the same.

I got Tippy a few months after my father died. She helped me get through that. She was my best friend for so many years. She was my family. This hurts as much as having a human family member die. Been there, done that, I know. It does hurt as much. I did not expect that. I cried so much yesterday that I could not breath through my nose last night, and could not find a medication to take that would work. I am trying to not cry today so I can avoid that. I left the house to go window shopping, and learned that Adopt a Stray at the mall is off limits for awhile. I didn't even want any of the dogs there, it was just knowing my baby girl was gone. I don't know what I did in life to deserve her, she was a wonderful friend, and knowing she is not upstairs right now, waiting at the head of the stairs for me, breaks my heart.

posted by Beth Paddock 11:46 PM

5 comments

5 Comments:

Beth,
My heart goes out to you. Does anyone really know how to deal with emotions at this time? Hold on to all the wonderful memories you and Tippy shared.

By Annie, at 2:54 PM  

hug...nothing else... big hug

By Owl Chick, at 8:13 PM  

:(

(hug)

By Steph, at 9:26 PM  

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. We had to put our golden retriever to sleep in the past year and it was very hard to deal with.

There is only one short term cure for the sadness and that is to go out and buy a puppy. My wife and I have promised ourselves that we will not do that though.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it can be.

By John, at 10:32 PM  

Beth,

I had to put down two, sweet cats unexpectedly, and both times I was pretty devastated.

All I can offer is that you greive as long as you need to, and know you'll find another furry companion when you're ready... be it a few weeks or a few months.

Hugs to you!

By Marsha, at 6:59 PM  

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